Today I'm going to take the piss out of one of our society's oddest ills: "Sexy" Women's Costumes.
Sexy Peter Pan - Yeah, okay, Mary Martin was a bit of a cutie...OH GOD WHAT? This costume both manages to suck AND miss every point ever.
Sexy Willy Costume - Nope, it's not what you think! Or the other thing either! I bet she's pushing Slurm. WHIMMY WHAM WHAM WHOZZLE!
Sexy Phantom - Or, you know, you can be the creepy stalker character!
Sexy Washington - 1776! Performed by strippers!
Petite Glitter Tophat - This is actually pretty cute, and I want it. I just wanted to point out that it's nice to see Sarah Michelle Gellar getting work these days.
Sexy Chinese Takeout - Oh man. I actually think this is cute as hell, and I would totally wear it. Tiny Fortune Cookie Hat! The problem is that as a costume, this becomes mocking. Instead of "I look fierce in my outfit that references a common every day object" it becomes "Hurr! Chinese food!" and then devolves into Rosie O'Donnell Land from there.
ETA: Upon further reading and thought, this dress is entirely awful. I read a blog post that pointed out that the text of the dress--ENJOY over the breasts, and THANK YOU over the crotch--is really disgustingly placed and bad all around. So, apologies to those who read this post in past years and felt I'd missed the point on this one. I get it now.
Coral Clownfish - Hey! I found Nemo! He's at the Velvet Button and he goes on at 12:45!
Gold Digging Girl - Kanye already covered this one.
Blue Babe Costume - La la la la la la, why isn't my face blue? Bonus creepy: The dude in the couple's costume.
Anita Sedative - Ahahahah! Because mental illness is SO FUNNY! Also, she seems to be posing with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac in the couple's costume photo.
Spoonful of Sugar - I don't know if I'd trust her with my kids. Practically awful in every way.
Dirty Martini - HA! It's funny because the PIMENTOS look like her NIPPLES!
Sexy Panda - Sexy Panda? More like Sexual Harassment Panda! AMIRITE?
Pippi Longstocking - The real Pippi Longstocking would throw a car at these people.
Spongebabe Squareskirt - There's a terrible joke in here somewhere about how her starfish is named Patricia.
Okay, that's enough of that misery. Here, have a palate cleanser.
See you next Halloween!