Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Spirit Day

I am against homophobic bullying.

I am against all bullying.

You are not alone.

If you find us, it will get better.

Please find us.

We're here, and we're looking for you, too.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Why "It Gets Better" is the wrong message to send--and why we should do it anyway

When the "It Gets Better" project began a couple weeks ago, I didn't feel like I had anything actively helpful to contribute. As I said at the time, my not inconsiderable bullying had nothing to do with being queer--except maybe in the older form of the word. But, as we've now reached the "backlash" portion of the news cycle, I do feel as though I have things to say. Things, which I hope are helpful.

We have reached a point where not only has there been backlash over Dan Savage being the head of the movement (nb: that backlash happened immediately, I don't want to make it seem as though I've missed that), but where shitbags are posting things called "It Gets Worse." In these delightful musings, bigoted assholes co-opt the momentum of "It Gets Better" to further bully and hate-vomit on the QUILTBAG community.

But, sadly, that brings me to my next point.

"It Gets Better" is a terrible message, because it doesn't. It changes, sure. But as the blog 49percent asks, what, gets better, exactly? (The link referred to there is also well-worth reading.)

The answer, in short, is that as you get older, you are better able to choose your family and surround yourself with people who love, respect, and support you. So yes, in that sense, it's a wonderful message.

But it does precious little to help now.

"It gets better" is something I told myself for oh, about seventeen years. Or, from the age of five through the age of about 22. I said it to myself for differing reasons, and because of different hardships. I leaned on those words so often that by the time I was 27, and went through the worst fucking year of my life, they had lost all meaning.

They had become so devoid of power, that they became nothing more than pandering to my ears. In my destroyed state of mind, hearing them drove me to nearly ruining two of the closest and most important relationships of my adult life.

So we need to be careful what we're telling these kids. Because if, as an adult, without suicidal tendencies, those words drove me to extremes, I don't want to know how these kids will react.

"It gets better" is a placeholder. What these kids need are the tools and support to make it better now.

One of the other things that I find especially problematic about Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" project, is that The Trevor Project was already here. It was already here, and it was already inclusive to PoC and the whole QUILTBAG. While it's good to have more than one organization for an issue, Dan Savage is such a divisive figure, that it's diluting the message, not strengthening it.

And, The Trevor Project is all about giving kids the tools and support to make it better now.

So while I think it's wonderful and important to see celebrities filming videos telling us that they know where troubled youth have been, how many news cycles until It Gets Better peters out and these kids are left, once again, alone?

Let's make it better now.

Saturday, October 02, 2010


Today I'm going to take the piss out of one of our society's oddest ills: "Sexy" Women's Costumes.

Sexy Peter Pan - Yeah, okay, Mary Martin was a bit of a cutie...OH GOD WHAT? This costume both manages to suck AND miss every point ever.

Sexy Willy Costume - Nope, it's not what you think! Or the other thing either! I bet she's pushing Slurm. WHIMMY WHAM WHAM WHOZZLE!

Sexy Phantom - Or, you know, you can be the creepy stalker character!

Sexy Washington - 1776! Performed by strippers!

Petite Glitter Tophat - This is actually pretty cute, and I want it. I just wanted to point out that it's nice to see Sarah Michelle Gellar getting work these days.

Sexy Chinese Takeout - Oh man. I actually think this is cute as hell, and I would totally wear it. Tiny Fortune Cookie Hat! The problem is that as a costume, this becomes mocking. Instead of "I look fierce in my outfit that references a common every day object" it becomes "Hurr! Chinese food!" and then devolves into Rosie O'Donnell Land from there.

ETA: Upon further reading and thought, this dress is entirely awful. I read a blog post that pointed out that the text of the dress--ENJOY over the breasts, and THANK YOU over the crotch--is really disgustingly placed and bad all around. So, apologies to those who read this post in past years and felt I'd missed the point on this one. I get it now.

Coral Clownfish - Hey! I found Nemo! He's at the Velvet Button and he goes on at 12:45!

Gold Digging Girl - Kanye already covered this one.

Blue Babe Costume - La la la la la la, why isn't my face blue? Bonus creepy: The dude in the couple's costume.

Anita Sedative - Ahahahah! Because mental illness is SO FUNNY! Also, she seems to be posing with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac in the couple's costume photo.

Spoonful of Sugar - I don't know if I'd trust her with my kids. Practically awful in every way.

Dirty Martini - HA! It's funny because the PIMENTOS look like her NIPPLES!

Sexy Panda - Sexy Panda? More like Sexual Harassment Panda! AMIRITE?

Pippi Longstocking - The real Pippi Longstocking would throw a car at these people.

Spongebabe Squareskirt - There's a terrible joke in here somewhere about how her starfish is named Patricia.

Okay, that's enough of that misery. Here, have a palate cleanser.

See you next Halloween!