Some new commentary on Girls's Costume Warehouse

Back in 2007, I worked for a now-defunct adult website.

In preparation for recording videos, one of my bosses ordered the big, phonebook sized costume catalogs from companies like Leg Avenue. I leafed through them with fascination, because, after all, I'm a costume geek at heart.

And then suddenly it dawned on me:

We, as a society, have so bought in to the "Halloween is the time to for women dress like a stripper" idea, that literally, we go to costume stores and buy actual costumes marketed to the adult industry the other eleven months of the year.

There is so much to be said here involving slut shaming, stigmatization of sex workers, the virgin/whore dichotomy, the commoditization of women's bodies, etc etc etc.

There's nothing wrong with sexy costumes, please don't misunderstand me. I just wanted to highlight the extremely literal manifestation of this societal idea.

Full. Body. Eyeroll.

So there's been a lovely kerfuffle going on this week, the simple summary of which is, Can you be a hot girl and a nerd?

Leaving aside the irritating use of "girl" to describe adult women, I haven't really had any commentary other than a side-eye.

I finally figured out my response, left as a comment on the above linked post.

Here it is. Ready?

If you can’t be a hot girl and a nerd, what the hell have my best girl friends and I been doing since childhood?

Sheesh.

That’s really all I have to say on the subject, with a healthy punctuation of a full-body eyeroll.

There you go. There's my soundbite.

Spirit Day

I am against homophobic bullying.

I am against all bullying.

You are not alone.

If you find us, it will get better.

Please find us.

We're here, and we're looking for you, too.

GIRLS'S COSTUME WAREHOUSE

Today I'm going to take the piss out of one of our society's oddest ills: "Sexy" Women's Costumes.


Sexy Peter Pan - Yeah, okay, Mary Martin was a bit of a cutie...OH GOD WHAT? This costume both manages to suck AND miss every point ever.


Sexy Willy Costume - Nope, it's not what you think! Or the other thing either! I bet she's pushing Slurm. WHIMMY WHAM WHAM WHOZZLE!


Sexy Phantom - Or, you know, you can be the creepy stalker character!


Sexy Washington - 1776! Performed by strippers!


Petite Glitter Tophat - This is actually pretty cute, and I want it. I just wanted to point out that it's nice to see Sarah Michelle Gellar getting work these days.


Sexy Chinese Takeout - Oh man. I actually think this is cute as hell, and I would totally wear it. Tiny Fortune Cookie Hat! The problem is that as a costume, this becomes mocking. Instead of "I look fierce in my outfit that references a common every day object" it becomes "Hurr! Chinese food!" and then devolves into Rosie O'Donnell Land from there.

ETA: Upon further reading and thought, this dress is entirely awful. I read a blog post that pointed out that the text of the dress--ENJOY over the breasts, and THANK YOU over the crotch--is really disgustingly placed and bad all around. So, apologies to those who read this post in past years and felt I'd missed the point on this one. I get it now.


Coral Clownfish - Hey! I found Nemo! He's at the Velvet Button and he goes on at 12:45!


Gold Digging Girl - Kanye already covered this one.


Blue Babe Costume - La la la la la la, why isn't my face blue? Bonus creepy: The dude in the couple's costume.


Anita Sedative - Ahahahah! Because mental illness is SO FUNNY! Also, she seems to be posing with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac in the couple's costume photo.


Spoonful of Sugar - I don't know if I'd trust her with my kids. Practically awful in every way.


Dirty Martini - HA! It's funny because the PIMENTOS look like her NIPPLES!


Sexy Panda - Sexy Panda? More like Sexual Harassment Panda! AMIRITE?


Pippi Longstocking - The real Pippi Longstocking would throw a car at these people.


Spongebabe Squareskirt - There's a terrible joke in here somewhere about how her starfish is named Patricia.

Okay, that's enough of that misery. Here, have a palate cleanser.

See you next Halloween!

A Love Letter to Someone Else

Spoilers for Scott Pilgrim vs the World

Tonight I saw Scott Pilgrim for a second time.

When I came out of it on Saturday, I was filled with OMG THAT WAS AWESOME. Tonight? Not so much.

Tonight I realized that regardless of all the references I caught, squees over the perfect casting, covetousness over various costume pieces and accessories...this movie wasn't written for me.

In fact, I am merely a coathanger to the plot of that love letter. I'm not an active participant--and neither was Ramona Flowers.

This movie (and the comic) was, quite literally, a story about how a woman's past just about killed the guy interested in her.

Josh, very astutely, compared this story to High Fidelity, noting that they were similar tales of different stages in "mens' lives."

Both sources are excellent, innovative, and honestly new takes on a yawn-inducingly tired story. One that, again, has nothing to do with me.

While she had a bit more "there" there in the comic, Ramona Flowers is nothing more than a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. No amount of hair color shifts, pithy one-liners, or awesome fight skills make up a character. Shit, even Knives had more character development than she did. (I'm referring solely to the movie, here. The Knives plot was resolved far sooner in the comic.)

I guess, in the end, I feel very hurt that a movie I was told was for me, wasn't for me at all. And in fact, doesn't regard me at all.

I'm not saying the movie was bad. My qualms aside, it truly was a hat tip to almost every subculture to which I hold a membership. Edgar Wright once again proved his brilliance.

I just wish...the love had been more inclusive.

Jamie Oliver: Champion of the People or Fatphobic Mansplainer?

I confess, I haven't seen an episode of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.

I've heard two very contradictory opinions from sources I trust.

One point of view says that he's addressing a very real problem about the quality of food in schools, the growing dependence on pre-made meals, and worse, the growing ignorance of basic cooking skills.

The other point of view says that he's a privileged wankadoodle who thinks money and time grow on trees, and what is it any of his business what people eat or weigh?

Not having seen the show, but having opinions about this sort of topic, I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle.

On his website, there is now a petition.

In one box, it has this message from Jamie: "If you care about the health of your children and the food they eat please sign this petition now."

In a box next to it is has this message "from you" for the petition: "Sign Jamie's petition to save cooking skills and improve school food.

I support the Food Revolution. America's kids need better food at school and better health prospects. We need to keep cooking skills alive."

I feel like those messages are contradictory.

Jamie's message conflates weight and health, which is a HUGE issue.

"Our" message demands better and more healthy food at schools, and to improve education on how to cook. That's kind of important.

Not to quote a truly bizarre source, but uh...did any of you ever see the movie Heavyweights?

It's about a kid who goes to a fat camp that got sold to a fitness madman (played hilariously by Ben Stiller in an obvious precursor to his role in Dodgeball), the kids stage a coup, and run the camp their way.

In their renewed vision of the camp, they have a fucking blast being kids in a warm, positive environment, and one of the clips in the montage includes a cooking class. Not a "how to cook low fat meals" class, but an honest to goodness class on how to cook food that tastes good.

I've seen with my own eyes people eat more healthfully once they start to learn to cook because they're caring about the quality of the components they're using, not which frozen meal is on special that week.

I realize this veers back into the "money and time don't grow on trees" category. However, I get the sense that part of "The Food Revolution" is a movement to bring better food options to underserved neighborhoods.

Anyway, I hope that the good intentions of this show and movement aren't paving a certain road. I hope that there's an understanding that weight and health aren't one and the same. I hope that there's an understanding that sometimes living off of canned and frozen items is all a person can do.

But I really hope that this show isn't all the bad that I've heard, and none of the good.

Misdirected Advertising -or- The Man I Could Smell Like

Hello from Gallifrey One!

It's a touch early for a con report, so instead, I have this tale to share...

So on Friday morning, we took our Bataan Death March out to the Ralph's for provisions.

While at Ralph's, I picked up a bottle of Old Spice body wash just to be able to rejoin the group, hold it up and start quoting the commercial.

And then I opened it and smelled and realized, Damn! That smells awesome! I want to smell like that!

So now I, a woman, have purchased the soap that smells like "the man my man could smell like."

I mean, I suppose Josh could use this and smell awesome, but he smells awesome naturally, so it's not something that's really a priority.

But I like to smell awesome, and I prefer musky scents, and hey, yeah, all right.

So now I've made a purchase, pretty directly influenced by a commercial, but as a woman, I've done exactly the opposite of the intent of said commercial.

And you know what? I'm sure I can't be the only one.

THE BIG NEWS

Several weeks ago, Valerie D'Orazio, the Occasional Superheroine herself, emailed me offering me an exciting position with Friends of Lulu.

I am pleased to announce that I am now the Convention Director for Friends of Lulu!

For those of you not familiar with it, Friends of Lulu is a national nonprofit organization whose purpose is to promote and encourage female readership and participation in the comic book industry.

I am thrilled to have been asked to work with such a fantastic organization.

Expect to see me at the FoL table at a convention near you!

The Open Source Understanding Project

The Open Source Boob Project has been a massive failure. It succeeded spectacularly, however, at exposing how far we have yet to go, even in supposedly egalitarian spaces.

The discussions that have come out of this are extremely important. In a way, I'm glad this happened. I have this vain hope that in six months, fandom will be a safer space for it. That too many women-fen are too outspoken, so that even casual misogyny in fandom won't occur uncontested.

The remarkable thing about this situation is that it's shown me that men who I've long considered feminist, or at least egalitarian, still have lots to learn about their male privilege. The first person I include in this is Ferrett himself. Because he, not his wife or the other women originators, was the one who wrote about the project. Because he tried to use creative language for something that should have been explained as basically, and in as simple terms as possible. Because he chose moments of the evening that were completely untranslatable, however he wanted them to be read. Because it has yet to be made totally clear whether the breasts in question were clothed or nude. Because though he used the word "we," and though he said it was what he was trying to avoid, Ferrett did speak for thirty nine other people.

I believe, I sincerely believe, that in the space and time it occurred, the OSBP was a wonderful experience. However, as many people have noted, it is highly unlikely to succeed in repeated attempts.

There was an extraordinary lack of foresight demonstrated. It shouldn't have been talked about in an unlocked LJ post. It shouldn't have been shoehorned into a formal activity. It shouldn't have been most vocally defended by the small number of people who did so, and especially not Ferrett himself.

I give Ferrett props for amending the post and apologizing. I can't even imagine what the Steinmetz house has been like the last few days. His language may not have been what everyone wanted it to be, but we're shifting paradigms here. Baby steps.

Again, this is what bothers me the most, but is also what's making me the most hopeful. There are a lot of men who aren't getting it. They're understanding why the OSBP can't be replicated, but not why women are uncomfortable with it. These are men who have begun to grok the radical notion that women are people. Unfortunately, this has given them a new blinder: Just because they respect the women they find sexually attractive, they take for granted that all men do as well. I think I can hear an entire planet of women saying, "Yeah, not so much."

Ok, great. These men are well on their way, but they're not there yet. And this whole kerfluffle has rooted out scads of these men. Women all over the blogosphere are recoiling in horror as they're realizing that men who they've trusted as allies don't understand simple concepts like "Womens' bodies are still considered public space, and that's wrong."

So now we have a choice. We can all get really, really angry and afraid that this is going to happen at every con ever from now on, like those Free Hugs people. OR.

Or.

We can start talking. We can talk about our positive group touching experiences (ranging from innocent hugs to parties that turn into orgies). We can start talking about people who've made us uncomfortable, and calling them out on their behavior. We start talking.

We start, as I imagine the Open Source Boob Project intended, empowering women to use their voices and agency in large group situations. And all situations.

We start talking.

And if people have learned anything from this whole debacle, they'll start listening, too.

Cute, NY Comic Con. Very Cute.

Due to a good news/bad news sort of turn of events, I will be able to attend lots more of next weekend's convention than originally planned.

In perusing the schedule, I noticed something that really isn't cool.

Friday, April 18th
5pm - 6pm Room 1E07
Women in Comics

Friday, April 18th
5pm - 6pm Room 1E15
Women in Fantasy and Science Fiction

I see.

Well, given that I am not a time traveler, a Time Lord, nor in possession of a Time Turner, it looks like I'll have to choose. I know I certainly can't be the only person who wants to go to both.

Scheduling these panels against each other severely divides their attendance. Obviously, many conventions have panels which compete with each other. That being said, why, in this climate of "Bringing The Womens Into The Comics/Genre/Fandom," would they do this?

The really ugly thing about this is that when programming gets planned next year, one or both of those panels may get cut due to low attendance. I hope the panels are next door to each other, otherwise I'm going to get really tired running back and forth.

I'm also slightly perturbed by the creative choice to list "Fantasy" before "Science Fiction" in the title for that panel. Given that the "generally accepted" shorthand is "SF/F" or "Science Fiction and Fantasy," why list Fantasy first? Alphabetically? Somehow, I think no.

I'm glad both of these panels are happening. I just wish it didn't come with another example of "What? We gave you panels, what more do you want?"

What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate

A friend of mine whose blog I read linked to this article. I don't think I have ever been so appalled by someone who, initially, I would want to agree with.

I was almost willing to go along with the essayist's ideas until she started saying Joss Whedon rapes his wife. Yes, she really said that. And not just once, but several times, both in her essay, and in the comments.

"Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Joss uses his own wife in this way," from the essay.

"I feel awful for Joss Whedon's wife. From what I've read about him and the interviews I've watched, I'm fairly certain that he rapes his wife and abuses her in various other ways." from this comment

These are the most tasteless, baseless, unnecessary statements ever put in an essay. If she was so bent on focusing on the pilot episode--something she asserts in the comments, why throw that in there? It is an ad hominem attack, even ignoring how inappropriate it is.

"What the fuck is this feminist man trying to say about women here? A black woman calling a white man ‘sir’. A white male captain who abuses and silences his female crew, with no consequences. The women are HAPPY to be abused. They enjoy it. What does this say about women, Joss? What does this say about you? Do you tell your wife to shut up? Do you threaten to duct tape her mouth? Lock her in the bedroom? Is this funny to you, Joss? Because it sure as fuck ain’t funny to me."

If I tilt my head to the right and squint a little, I can see her argument about the racist and sexist take on the Mal/Zoe/Wash thing, as well as the Kaylee thing. But just because I can see it, doesn't mean I agree with it. At no point in the series or the movie, do I get the impression Zoe would put up with an ounce of disrespect from either man, directed at her or anyone else.

I find it very disingenuous that the essayist totally glosses over the fact that the reason Zoe is "violent," and the reason she calls Mal "sir," is because she is a soldier. During the war and on Serenity, Mal is her superior. These facts have nothing to do with his maleness or her skin color.

Lastly, I found her take on Inara and the Companions thoroughly repugnant. She went past hating sex work, and straight to hating sex workers, which is really unconscionable. According to her profile, all comments to her journal which are pro-porn or pro-prostitution will be immediately deleted. Likewise, she says in a later comment, "I would argue that most 'sex' between men and women, in the contemporary 'sex-positive', pornographic, male-supremacist culture, is rape."

This kind of radicalism completely ignores the real world. Yes, there are men who rape. Yes, there are men who emotionally leech from the women around them. Yes, there are men who oppress, and hate, and restrict. But not all men do. Moreover, not all men do so out of an inherent misogyny, but because of an indoctrinated cultural setting that can be unlearned.

I don't believe this woman can conceptualize a man striving to reframe his world view.

Ironically enough, from everything I know of him, that is exactly what Joss Whedon tries to do. Whatever this woman's interpretation of the Whedonverse is, the fact is, he has written the majority of the strong female characters that have graced the small screen in the last fifteen years. This is a man who, whatever of his she may disagree with, consistently proved that a show with a female lead could have staying power. Whatever critiques someone may have about his reliance on archetypes, I never felt for a second that he didn't try to set those same archetypes on their ears.

Joss Whedon is a man who has done everything in his power to present strong, intelligent female lead characters, and to support the female characters of other creators. To call him a misogynist--not even going near the other accusations laid at his feet--is grossly innaccurate.

A phallus is not automatically a weapon. The act of sex is not automatically an act of violence. Context is everything. If you go looking for misogyny, in any and all works, you will find it. But don't go marking things as misogynist that aren't.

And for the love of all that's holy, don't go around saying someone rapes their wife because you disagree with them. That's just not okay.

Erm, You Sure You Want To Be On Film With That?

You know, Teen Starlets who have nude photo scandals probably shouldn't do commercials like these:



That said, I though Vanessa Hudgens had nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for. I just wish I could have been there for this pitch meeting...

Depila-story

Australian Backlash Against Brazilian Waxing Marketed to The Tween Set.

Um, yeah. I'd hope so!

God love (or hate) you if you even had pubes at ten. No, really.

And I say this as a person who shaved their legs incredibly early. I Nair'd for the first time at 10. Too young, you say?

Consider this: My legs looked like those of a chimp. Why? Because I'd had major surgery, and was in a body cast for three months. My mom got vitamin E strips to place on the scars, but they had to be stuck on with bandaids. I still can't listen to the Unplugged version of "Layla" and not think of that morning, wincing as I pulled each bandaid off, trying not to scream as all those hairs were pulled with them. (That song was on heavy rotation on the radio that year.)

The following March, we were going to Florida for spring break. Yeah, as a ten year old, no one would be looking at my legs. But I was still a blonde with thick black hair and stubble on my legs, and I was really self conscious about it. Moreso than the scars, to be perfectly honest.

A friend of my grandmother's was scandalized, even when she heard the reason. My mom shrugged her off. (Note: My mom also let me use an excessive amount of Sun-In right before I'd had the surgery. I was pretty indulged that year. I also looked like a raccoon two months later.)

But really, bikini area depilation? Before 14? Aw, hell no. Once you've got 'em, do whatever you want with 'em. I know I was more concerned about stray hairs and bathing suits long before I was concerned about what an "activity" partner thought.

Of course, you have to wax if you're going to wear your A&F tween thong, right?

Boo Urns.

The movie Idiocracy is on cable right now. I'm excited about this, because I never got a chance to see it.

The wonderful Sara Rue has a small role. As usually happens when I watch movies with my laptop in front of me, I looked her up on IMDB.

I saw some photos of her there, and I was so appalled by what I saw.


Sara Rue, before and after

Why did she lose weight? She didn't need to lose weight! She was so gorgeous!

This makes me so sad.

I definitely believe in people making weight management choices for themselves, but I can't help but be disappointed by this turn of events.

Here is someone else upset about this.

Assigning Our Icons

Can we please remove Wonder Woman as the poster girl for feminism? (link via The Beat)

No wait, hear me out.

Wonder Woman is an AWESOME icon.

She's a great GLBT icon. She's a great Poly icon. She's a great BDSM icon.

But when her raison d'etre is female superiority, she's not a great feminist icon.

To be fair, great strides have been made in recent years to make Wonder Woman more about equality than superiority. But then, I've never made any attempts to hide who my vote is for...



Seriously, everything of Power Girl I've read involves her:

-kicking ass
-trying to be taken seriously (often while kicking ass)
-trying to set herself apart from her famous cousins (sometimes while kicking ass)
-trying to define herself as her own person, separate from her cousins and her boobs

And the thing about her boobs? Totally a joke started by the artists in the 1970s. I kind of love that.

Jersey Gets An Upgrade!

Governor Corzine Signs Pharmacy Refusal Bill into Law
On November 2, 2007, New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine signed legislation that establishes a pharmacy’s duty to dispense valid prescriptions regardless of moral or philosophical opposition to any medication by an individual pharmacist. While Planned Parenthood respects the religious beliefs of individual pharmacists, we strongly believe that a woman should be able to walk into a pharmacy with a valid prescription and walk out with her medication, without lectures, discrimination, or delay. The legislation (S1195/A992) protects both patients’ access to legal medications and devices and individual pharmacists’ personal beliefs.

Beauty Is The Geek

Burlesque revival: more nerdy than sexy?

Awesome article.

This totally hits on a part of burlesque (and my job) that I can't always put directly into words.

There's a palpable difference between "empowerful" things like pole dancing classes and The Pussycat Dolls, and burlesque (and my job).

It's tough to find that line, but again: this article hits it on the head. There's an intelligence and a storytelling to burlesque that is omnipresent. And, most of all, a lot of burlesque is women-run. Men are involved, but they're not running the shows, as it were.

Power Girl: A Feminist Icon for the 2000s

I've said it before, and I'll say it again....

This is what a feminist looks like:


I'd hit it, but she'd probably hit back. I'm okay with that

Seriously, I want to find the artist (Dale Eaglesham) and shake his hand.

That's some awesome stuff right there.

She's strong! She's sexy! She's wearing realistic pajamas!

YAY!

Anecdotal Ignorance

I apologize if anyone went to last night's debate hoping for a scandal.

What I (and most people) expected to be a heated, emotional debate, turned out to be two men having very different conversations in the same space.

Indeed, the most exciting moment of the evening was when a terrifyingly large Palmetto bug flew out from a corner and landed on Brian McCarter's arm.

But I am not here to talk about insectoid interference.

What stunned me the most, aside from Mr. Schwartz's inability to answer a question directly, was his refusal to acknowledge the relevance of an informal poll of Mr. McCarter's.

While it can be universally agreed that if you want to learn about a religion, you go to a leader of that faith. However, I feel that if you want to learn about its place in a culture, you go to the people.

Mr. McCarter went to a predominantly Muslim neighborhood in Queens, and asked 20 young Muslim men if they felt the First Amendment was good, then repeated the question with a very extreme qualifier.

Mr. Schwartz refused to acknowledge this information as "representative of moderate Muslims."

At no point did he define what a Moderate Muslim is, nor who would be described as such.

While I appreciate his desire for accurate information coming from informed sources, for the debate at hand, I (and many others) felt that "The Man on The Street" would be the better source. If you're talking about immigration, and the potential for restrictions, Average Yusuf may be a better representative than a more official individual.

If I have a question about Halacha, I'll ask a rabbi. If I have a question about what it's like to be a young, female, observant Conservative Jew in New York, I'll ask my old roommate.

If I have a question about a Mystery of Catholicism, I'll ask a priest. If I have a question about Catholic youth culture in America, I'll ask my friend Alissa.

Which brings me to a question I've been mulling for many weeks now...

There's a saying that goes, "Anecdotal evidence isn't."

Okay, fair enough. The story your friend told you about her cousin's best friend in Ohio probably isn't a good source of information. But then you are pressed for official information. From studies. From journals.

I can think of at least one recent "official study" that's totally bogus.

Meanwhile, there are hundreds (thousands?) of minority groups who are dealing with injustices and oppression, but their stories either aren't heard, or deemed irrelevant because no one's put out an official study about them.

If I can't use the personal experiences of a Female-to-Male transexual professor at MIT to demonstrate sexism in the science community, and no study has been done on it, what use is that person's complaint? Or the complaints of other women in the science community? (This happened in an email conversation I had recently.)

This feels like a dirty trick by the majority to determine what is relevant and valid, and what is just the "uppity" minority whining about something or other.

We can't cherry pick. At what point do situations become relevant/interesting/exotic/dire enough to warrant studying? At what point do anecdotes become data?

I really am curious about this. Why, in so many instances, does something have to be sanctioned for its information to be "real?"

How To Compliment A Lady

My hair is streaky pink and blonde with ever-emerging brown roots. I know that this marks me as Other in any number of ways.

It also looks interesting, artistic, and if I may be so egotistical, fucking cool.

I received two comments on my hair in the last 24 hours, and while the actual words used did not match my emotional reactions to them, the ways in which they were given dictated such.

Yesterday, I went to a fancy tea with some lovely fannish ladies I know.

Outside the hotel, a late-30s/early-40s woman said, "Oh wow, excuse me, how many colors are in your hair?" There was a note of awe in her voice that suggested that even if she didn't like pink hair, per se, she appreciated the uniqueness that two-weeks-out-from-dyeing hair can have. She even said as much.

Her comment, while not explicitly a "I like the way your hair looks" comment, was said politely and with a tone of respect, and it made me feel good for the rest of the afternoon.

This morning, as I turned the corner to get to the subway, a dude called out at me, "Ooh baby, I love the way your hair looks like that, yeah!" (Or some similar Smarmadon sentence.)

I found myself wanting to shout, "NOT YOURS!" at him, as he seemed hipster enough to know LOLspeak when he heard it.

I contented myself with musing on the differences between what had been said to me, and how the less "complimentary" of the two comments had felt so much better.