I have an essay for you all that's about half-done.
It's about the politics of weight, especially from a feminist view point.
I am very conflicted about this topic. I am a feminist. I am a woman. I am also what most people would term "skinny," though this time last year, I was not.
I decided I was unhappy with myself, joined Weight Watchers, and lost 20lbs.
I have been successful at keeping at least 15 of that 20 off.
I try to work out at least three times a week.
Why? Because I want an athlete's body.
I don't know if it's society or my own preferences that makes me want that, but, I know that it's something I want.
When I read feminism blogs and feminism/weight politics blogs, I feel like a traitor.
I feel like I drank the Kool-Aid offered by the cults I speak against in all other situations.
But then I remember how I felt the first Pilates class I successfully did 60 pushups.
But then I remember how I felt the first time I put on the jeans I had to stop wearing at the age of 19 because I'd gained weight.
But then I remember how I felt when I saw pictures of myself from the summer of 2003, 25lbs and a really bad haircut ago.
And I feel even more conflicted because my choices were for me, but there's an army of voices who tell me I never needed to change.
I know how I like myself. I just wish acheiveing that didn't include the guilt of betraying a cause I actually do agree with.