ATX 50 Shades of WTF

One of the "lovely" things about Austin is that they are not shy about advertising adult stores or strip clubs on air, at any time of day. (There's nothing more jarring than hearing an ad for The Landing Strip at 7am...) Today I heard one of the local porn shops advertising on air that it had its shipment of 50 Shades of Gray in, and encouraging customers to buy toys along with it to bring their fantasies to life. We have gone from "this book could lead to unsafe play situations" to "this book will lead to unsafe play situations." I am so horrified by this, I can't even.

Some new commentary on Girls's Costume Warehouse

Back in 2007, I worked for a now-defunct adult website.

In preparation for recording videos, one of my bosses ordered the big, phonebook sized costume catalogs from companies like Leg Avenue. I leafed through them with fascination, because, after all, I'm a costume geek at heart.

And then suddenly it dawned on me:

We, as a society, have so bought in to the "Halloween is the time to for women dress like a stripper" idea, that literally, we go to costume stores and buy actual costumes marketed to the adult industry the other eleven months of the year.

There is so much to be said here involving slut shaming, stigmatization of sex workers, the virgin/whore dichotomy, the commoditization of women's bodies, etc etc etc.

There's nothing wrong with sexy costumes, please don't misunderstand me. I just wanted to highlight the extremely literal manifestation of this societal idea.

Inspector Spacetime as Meta

Does anyone else feel like Inspector Spacetime is one the best sporking of Doctor Who that's ever come down the pike?

Inspector Spacetime Confessions on Tumblr reads like the greatest commentary on Doctor Who's source material *and* fandom.

I'm just really blown away by how smart the commentary has been, and how seemingly in on the joke the creators of Community are with it.

It's like this perfect storm of amazingness.

Full. Body. Eyeroll.

So there's been a lovely kerfuffle going on this week, the simple summary of which is, Can you be a hot girl and a nerd?

Leaving aside the irritating use of "girl" to describe adult women, I haven't really had any commentary other than a side-eye.

I finally figured out my response, left as a comment on the above linked post.

Here it is. Ready?

If you can’t be a hot girl and a nerd, what the hell have my best girl friends and I been doing since childhood?

Sheesh.

That’s really all I have to say on the subject, with a healthy punctuation of a full-body eyeroll.

There you go. There's my soundbite.

Confession

I have a confession to make, you guys.

My ventures to In-N-Out during my recent trip to LA really didn't impress me. The burgers weren't as good as I remembered, and the fries were just plain bland.

Even having my burger Animal Style couldn't save it.

There's a burger restaurant here in Austin that's near my office called Mighty Fine.

And my confession is this:

I like Mighty Fine better than In-N-Out.

We had an office lunch there today, and I was fulfilled in the way I usually only was once a year when I had my Cheeseburger Animal Style.

And I didn't even get one of the shakes!

Mighty Fine makes their shakes with Blue Bell ice cream, guys.

Om nom fucking NOM.

If you ever visit me, I promise we can go to Mighty Fine.

Because you know what? It is*.



*Apparently they're also really good about providing gluten-free service, too!

Cross-posting goodness! Comment where you wish!

Spirit Day

I am against homophobic bullying.

I am against all bullying.

You are not alone.

If you find us, it will get better.

Please find us.

We're here, and we're looking for you, too.

Why "It Gets Better" is the wrong message to send--and why we should do it anyway

When the "It Gets Better" project began a couple weeks ago, I didn't feel like I had anything actively helpful to contribute. As I said at the time, my not inconsiderable bullying had nothing to do with being queer--except maybe in the older form of the word. But, as we've now reached the "backlash" portion of the news cycle, I do feel as though I have things to say. Things, which I hope are helpful.

We have reached a point where not only has there been backlash over Dan Savage being the head of the movement (nb: that backlash happened immediately, I don't want to make it seem as though I've missed that), but where shitbags are posting things called "It Gets Worse." In these delightful musings, bigoted assholes co-opt the momentum of "It Gets Better" to further bully and hate-vomit on the QUILTBAG community.

But, sadly, that brings me to my next point.

"It Gets Better" is a terrible message, because it doesn't. It changes, sure. But as the blog 49percent asks, what, gets better, exactly? (The link referred to there is also well-worth reading.)

The answer, in short, is that as you get older, you are better able to choose your family and surround yourself with people who love, respect, and support you. So yes, in that sense, it's a wonderful message.

But it does precious little to help now.

"It gets better" is something I told myself for oh, about seventeen years. Or, from the age of five through the age of about 22. I said it to myself for differing reasons, and because of different hardships. I leaned on those words so often that by the time I was 27, and went through the worst fucking year of my life, they had lost all meaning.

They had become so devoid of power, that they became nothing more than pandering to my ears. In my destroyed state of mind, hearing them drove me to nearly ruining two of the closest and most important relationships of my adult life.

So we need to be careful what we're telling these kids. Because if, as an adult, without suicidal tendencies, those words drove me to extremes, I don't want to know how these kids will react.

"It gets better" is a placeholder. What these kids need are the tools and support to make it better now.

One of the other things that I find especially problematic about Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" project, is that The Trevor Project was already here. It was already here, and it was already inclusive to PoC and the whole QUILTBAG. While it's good to have more than one organization for an issue, Dan Savage is such a divisive figure, that it's diluting the message, not strengthening it.

And, The Trevor Project is all about giving kids the tools and support to make it better now.

So while I think it's wonderful and important to see celebrities filming videos telling us that they know where troubled youth have been, how many news cycles until It Gets Better peters out and these kids are left, once again, alone?

Let's make it better now.